Friendships

I got this phonecall from an old 'friend' today. Man it left me fuming! And it got me thinking about how we change and our friendships change with time.

This friend introduced my husband and I to each other. I had already had Miss V from a previous relationship so we almost became like an instant family. Soon the problems started, especially with his friends who didn't have time for us anymore. They just couldn't understand that we could not go out anymore at the drop of a hat because of Miss V. And on the odd occasion we had a night off suddenly they would all have excuses. I guess one can't expect a non parent to understand the life of a parent. But it hurt and it was upsetting. So with time we started drifting apart with only the odd invitation for my husband to join them for a poker night.

So recently one of the friends got married. And hubby didn't go to the bachelors as it was a whole weekend away from home. And no matter how much he tried to explain they weren't interested in hearing it. The groom to be basically had a very rude conversation with my husband after the fact, commenting on how 'some friends couldn't be bothered' to be at his bachelors. Again my husband tried to explain the whole thing about kids and family and not WANTING to go away with the boys for a whole weekend. He still didn't get it. The phonecall left a bitter taste in our mouths. We ran into the groom to be a week before the wedding and the conversation was stifled and curt.

We made the decision not to attend the wedding. And yes, here my husband was in the wrong. He didn't bother to let them know we weren't coming. So then phone call came today from the friend (not groom), to innocently ask me if we're ok as they thought something had happened to us. He of course tries to blame us but the blame lies both sides. We're never available for them, they're never available for us. Let's cut our losses I say. But nooooo, I had to get a speech first for not being there blah blah blah.

I am so tired of all this. I miss this friend dearly (the one who introduced us) but I am just as tired of the excuses and stories. And nobody is willing to understand that our free time is precious and does not come along all that often. So who is in the wrong here? No matter how much we try explain they don't get it! I said to him that it's not just a case of needing a babysitter or whatever but my husband spends hardly any time with me during the week because of busy schedules so he would much rather go out with friends and include me in the party than go play poker just with the boys. And because our time away from the kids is so limited could they not try understand a bit more and play along than just get angry when we can't fall in with their plans?

In my opinion I have now cut the losses. Farewell friend and thanks for the introduction to Carl. Best thing you ever did.