My thoughts on parenting

I don’t see myself as a mommy know-it-all but I find myself not really reading forums based on parenting questions/abilities and experiences. I don’t often ask questions. I don’t post brag posts. I don’t even comment much. Because my idea of parenting is so vastly different from other mom’s I’ve met. And that is exactly why I say I’m not a know-it-all because it’s not like I am quick to offer advice either. I guess I have an ‘each to its own’ approach. Sometimes though I don’t know if this is normal and so, I asked my husband the other day “What is wrong with me?” He laughed! But he said to me, “Love, you are who you are, and you’re a perfectly good mom!” Bless him hahaha!

I don’t know all the answers to everything. I have two kids - 3y7m old daughter and a 14month old son. And for some reason even though I don’t have the answers to everything about them I don’t ask for advice…

Is this because

a) I think nobody knows better than me? NO

b) I might hear something I don’t want to hear? NO

c) I don’t care enough? NO

d) Or maybe, just maybe, I am so relaxed about parenting I won’t allow myself to become paranoid and ask for 100s of different opinions. Hearing so many different opinions from people can cause great confusion you know and some people can be very adamant that their reasoning is the only correct one.

Sometimes though, I wish I was like so many other mommies I know. They are SO into their kids and talk about them all the time. They brag about every toofie that breaks through, the first step, the first everything. They can’t wait to go home after work to spend time with their kids and try out a new recipe for them. They can talk for hours about what they did with their kids over the weekends. Their kids consume their lives. Is that necessarily a bad thing? No, I don’t think so, but I still love my independence from my children, I love still feeling that I am my own person. I am me, a wife, a lover, a friend, an employee. Not JUST a mommy.

Don’t get me wrong I love my kids and their milestones are so important to me, but for some reason I didn’t even tell people when my son started walking properly on his own, never mind when his teeth came out. And I normally can’t wait to get home after a hectic day in the office, but not to jump straight into my parenting duties, no! I want to sit down and put my feet up, have a glass of wine with my husband…relax! Weekends I can’t wait for the odd night when the babysitter would come and my husband and I can have a night out.

Does this make me a bad mother? No I don’t think so. Not at all! I can tell you something, my kids have everything they need. I love them very much and do my best for them. They are happy, well loved and well looked after kids. And they are very independent. My daughter hardly suffered separation anxiety EVER, and my son doesn’t really show signs of it. They know they are loved, but they know Mom and Dad don’t give up their entire lives for them.

I know many of you won’t agree with my way of parenting but it has worked a charm for us. Let me share something else it has done for my kids…when my daughter was very young I would not run to her room when I woke in the morning. If she cried for her morning bottle I would give it to her (when she was old enough to drink on her own) and leave her there. Often she would fall asleep again afterwards anyway, so I would crawl back into bed for a bit. She learnt through this to play on her own until we came through to her. My son is doing the same thing. Only difference is he has an older sister who will now go sit in his room with him and ‘read’ to him, sing to him or just hand him some toys while he is in his cot. And mom and dad get’s another hour’s sleep. Pure bliss.

Do I sound evil yet? Wait till I tell you about my bedtime techniques. Bedtime has always been strictly adhered to. No, I didn’t leave my kids to cry for hours on end, but with a firm voice they very quickly learnt that once they’ve been put in bed, there they will stay. And now, both of them go to bed 99% of the time without a single moan and groan. No running into the room with the slightest moan and being picked up. It doesn’t work for us. A child learns to manipulate from a very young age and frankly I believe a baby CAN be spoilt. Again, do not get me wrong, if you want to spoil your baby there is nothing wrong with it. If you want to hold your baby until she falls asleep, there is nothing wrong with it. You find the parenting techniques that work for you and make you comfortable. Not being a ‘soppy mommy’ works for me…and my kids!

I must admit my hubby is a little soppier than me though! When the little man doesn’t want to eat, he freaks out. “Why isn’t he eating? What else can I give him? Maybe he is unwell? Can we try making some other food?” Hah! Normally he is met by my response which is more often than not “If he doesn’t want to eat, take him to bed!” Evil, right? You may think so, but I will not make 5 different plates of food until the little bugger decided to eat something! He has to learn from a young age how things are going to be. Again, I don’t just dump a horrid meal in front of him, he gets a selection of finger foods, different flavours, textures, colours…all things he normally would enjoy…but I will not lose any sleep over him not wanting to eat.

My hopes for my children are to grow up independent and strong. To not feel that they can’t do anything unless mommy or daddy is holding their hand, and at the same time know that I love them with everything in me.