The monster in me

I like to think that I am never wrong…well there was that one time but then I discovered I had made a mistake. LOL I kill me!

No seriously, who ever like admitting they are ever wrong? Don’t we all like to think we can never make a mistake? Because if you are one of those people who just love saying sorry then you are stupid and you are looking for attention. Just my opinion, take it or leave it. Be too quick to apologise and you’re a suck up and unsure of yourself. So there!

But then I have days like today. Days where I feel very sorry for myself. Days where I wonder if I am really a good person. Days where I think I am worthless and probably to full of it. Days when I realize that I am truly the most stubborn person I know and that somebody should probably give me a tighty #THWACK#

I am in a bad place today. Today I am pondering life, my place in it and whether I really want to be here or not. Last night I almost left home. Today I am still not sure whether or not I want to stay. Am I staying for the right reasons? So I am pondering a few thoughts that I should deal with in the next few days/weeks or however long it takes. So in no particular order…

1) My depression

2) My marriage

3) What is love and is it enough to make things work?

4) When do I have the right to say “no more”?

5) If I think about suicide often does that mean I am suicidal?

6) Do I really love myself and am I good enough to be loved?

7) Why do I so desperately want to be pregnant again when I don’t want anymore children?

8) Why do I feel like such a failure in my work and marriage?

So there. I need to work through these in order to move forward in my life. I know these are quite serious topic and not what I had in mind for a blog. But hey, such is life.