It's a start

Well this is all very new to me...
Blogging is apparently the in thing. I don't know if I can write. Or what to write. And would anybody even want to read it?
I used to write a lot when I was a student. Stuff that made sense to me, maybe not to others. I used to write during lectures instead of listening. I used to write instead of studying. Now I am 12 years older and wiser, I would think, and I can't fathom what others would find interesting about me.

Ok so here is something that plays heavily on my mind lately....
Was I meant to be a mother?
I have 2 kids. A daughter, 3 years old. A son, going on 11 months.
I always said I would never get married and never have kids. I told my parents they had enough grandchildren from my siblings (7 at that time) so I did not need to provide them with more.

And then I fell pregnant, by accident, with my daughter. Who is not, by the way, my husband's biological child. I was in a rocky relationship for only 3-4months when I got pregnant. I gave up going overseas for this guy and well, obviously it did not work out. I pretty much knew that it wouldn't even before I got pregnant!

I met my husband when my daughter was only 7 months old. I told him from the get go, we come as a package, you don't like it, leave NOW. He didn't leave...
We married a year later and fell pregnant with our son on our wedding night. I was broody, then moody, then hell to live with. Divorce was threatened many times (by me). We stuck it out.

I digress...I just don't think sometimes I'm a good enough mother. I listen to other mother's who love playing with their kids for hours. Who would love to sit home with them the whole day. Who happily cook them freshly prepared, well nourishing meals, with love. I don't cook. And I don't plan on learning any time soon...

Do I love them? Of course I do. But is love enough?
Was I really meant to be a mother? Or is someone playing some awfully sick joke on me?